There Aren’t Any Good Women in the USA
Occasionally, I get a caller who provides this as an explanation as to why he went overseas looking for a wife. Usually the caller goes on to say that he wants someone with more “traditional values”. Something he claims he can’t find among the women in the US.
Reaction to this kind of attitude is strong among my female friends. Some of the feedback includes
“Oh really? He must be a really difficult person to be with.”
“What kind of woman is he looking for?… A slave? His mom?”
“Who the !*?&#! does that guy think he is?”
And those are the milder ones.
Regardless of whether this caller’s attitude is appropriate or reasonable, it does reflect that we all have expectations of what we think our mate should be like. And it’s important to recognize this. A person who is looking for a lifelong mate should ask himself or herself what are the values that he wants his spouse to have, At the risk of sounding hyper-technical, I think that people should write down a list of the values and qualities they want in their spouse. Yes, I said write down a list, not make a mental list. It’ll be easier to be specific.
This is critical because it’s easy to be swept off our feet by someone we meet who is very appealing, especially if the person is rich or really attractive. So a guy may be rich and successful, but… is he a kind person? Will he make a good dad? This gal is gorgeous but… how does she handle her money? Does she have a good temper? Is she humble?
If you’ve got a list, you’ll be better able to evaluate that person more objectively rather than getting caught up in their prominent features. Meet someone new? Get to know that intriguing person, but be mindful of your list. If the person doesn’t match up to what you want, don’t get sucked in. Move on.
These thoughts are entirely my own– observations based on my many years of working with couples while practicing fiancée and spousal visa immigration law and my marriage.
Tags: relationships